a while

after a while,it becomes routine.everything. and u know u are just going through the motions.about everything.from the way you respond to your tracks to the way you respond to stuff happening around you, with you. and then,later,ur eyes tear a little even as u smile at the thought of something so imaginary cos it seems the closest to reality. and it just doesn't matter anymore.

blessed

the music filled her ears..and slowly her consciousness....for someone who declared herself to be tone-deaf...it was hard to believe that if something kept her up n running,it was music. she was never the artistic kind,never would be...she never understood categories...just knew that some things made her tick..some things just didn't matter..."ah this one"...she mused...she knew it was a scandal waiting to happen if she put it down for anyone other than her to know...blasphemy would be a better term...well... they had written to each other the first time eight months back...when they did meet and worked alongside one other, she knew what she had feared and doubted all along...her friends told her that it was all too presumptious and just a mutual admiration club thing goin on ...it was so right..she thought later...but she realised that the experience was all that was needed to remove any confusion about herself.... she watched them...and the more she did..the more relief and peace it brought to her...it didn't seem so wierd to feel different after all...they looked at the world and its problems the same way...with their share of laughter and tears..,wins and losses...desire and dedication to be where they wanted to be.... and loved with an extra dash of bliss, she believed strongly. if only all would just let it be...without all the unwanted attention and propaganda for god-knows-what...she prayed...she used them to get away from her own realities....she would replay each scene , each story in her head over n over till she got what she wanted....something she knew wouldn't be easy to put in words or actions out of the head....in front of the world which wanted her to embrace "normalcy" or whatever it meant....

a coffee?

....she remembered how the well written,polite yet so normal mails just stopped..."ha.no wonder i don't believe in this load of $#%^"...she had mused then... six months down the line...her hair was back to the same length...and she had dared herself to go through with the ordeal....no,not for herself..yet..in so many ways..it was for herself .."would plugging my ears make the noise any lesser..."...she wondered now...she had cringed when she saw him...and his expression when he saw her.."oh well...it was never meant to be anything anyway."... she thought as tried to act cool. in the end..she was left holding the bill for a glass of mild headache and a glass of silent dismal relief. as she made her way back..she drowned herself in words of unknowns...probably the only ones who made more sense to her than anyone she dared trust outside her family. "maybe someday...I will trust myself enough to do it willingly and face the whole ride with no sense of detachment.."...she thought as she closed her eyes trying hard not to calculate how much the evening had cost her.

Collectibles - 1

Tears For Fears ~ Break It Down Again

Break it down again
So those are my dreams
And these are my eyes
Stand tall like a man
Head strong like a horse
When it's all mixed up
Better break it down
In the world of secrets
In the world of sound
It's in the way you're always hiding from the light
See for yourself you have been sitting on a time bomb
No revolution maybe someone somewhere else
Could show you something new about you and your inner song
And all the love and all the love in the world
Won't stop the rain from falling
Waste seeping underground
I want to break it down
Break it down again
So those are my schemes
And these are my plans
Hot tips for the boys
Fresh news from the force
When it's all mixed up
Better break it down
In the world of silence
In the world of sound
" No sleep for dreaming" say the architects of life
Big bouncing babies, bread and butter can I have a slice
They make no mention of the beauty of decay
Blue, yellow, pink umbrella save it for a rainy day
And all the love and all the love in the world
Won't stop the rain from falling
Waste seeping underground
I want to break it down
Horsin' around
Pray to power
Play to the crowd with your big hit sound
And they won't simmer won't simmer, won't simmer down
Play to the crowd
Pay to the crowd
Play yeah yeah
It's in the way you're always hiding from the light
Fast off to heaven just like Moses on a motorbike
No revolution maybe someone somewhere else
Could show you something new to help With the ups and downs
I want to break it down
Break it down again
Break it down again
No more sleepy dreaming
No more building up
It is time to dissolve
Break it down it again
No more sleepy dreaming

--courtesy WwW.SiNg365.cOm

she put in her papers..."at an auspicious time"....she said to herself....as she walked down and got lost in the humdrum of the city and the weekday....she wondered what was next. go with the flow was what she'd been doing and probably would do all her life...as she walked past the greens...she noticed couples in all shapes and sizes...all different ages and genders..."...hmm..will i ever feel that " she asked herself...she knew the answer was a dismal negative....despite her superfluous efforts to get an O..or even a hint of desire for anyone or even herself. she had tried everything....it just seemed unreal...or maybe it was real and she got it...but she never even realised it....just like she didn't realise that " just a matter of working out from a new location...without any feelings or passion for it" as she put it, was actually a way of realising that she felt for her work so much that she had to move out in the first place....
..for her though,being blissfully ignorant was what made it unrealistically real..

all in a week.

"what does it mean to turn down two lucrative offers and running after something for which you may not even be considered?"..asked her dad...her dad, who had worked in the same organisation for over thirty years...."pa,you could never understand..so..lets spare the drama and just let it go..." she said. Her ma sighed...and said.."yea...she is testing how good our B.P. level is...and how strong our hearts are....ok...lets also see who breaks first....she does not want to marry..she does not want to work in a good company...she does not want to even wear a saree for her brother's wedding........".....
"hey..am gonna check if there's any opening in....."....
"r u outta ur miind...u deserve better!!"......
"but,what if i don't want something better....cos that's not gonna make me feel better!!"....
"hmmmm...shoot urself....will ya".....
"u wish,i wish...."
"yea...."
...."yea..."
"ok..lets see what i can do..."
"thankee!"
":)..yeyea..catch u later"
"yep..ciao.."
have u ever loved somebody so much....that it makes u cry....

beliefs...

10 minutes to 1 a.m. and she frantically kept searching for prospective employers and places she would fit in best....a month back,she had walked away from something...and hence all this. all the cliche`s kept resounding in her head...yea she was very fast becoming one of them..trying so hard to be different had only made it easier for her to get neckdeep into it all...why do i even try was what she thought nowadays...laziness just lost its meaning...she would just term it as "just another phase which will probably be a good tradeoff for all things good that needed to happen to her loved ones.."...am forsaking it for them this way....so please god..let them be just fine.."..she said..in the hope that good fortune would return the favor someday...simplistic yet profound theory she convinced herself...after all ignorance is indeed bliss.